NOTICEABLE PROGRESS

Did I mention that we are on medical leave from WorldVenture as of July 12th to be re-evaluated October 12th? This has given me space to really focus on self-care. I am seeing a wonderful therapist each Monday to help me deal with "Burnout." Yes, I guess, I am. I've seen this therapist 3 times now just getting to know one another. Next week she wants me to talk about what it was like before "Burnout". I am not sure how to address that as I'm not sure how long I've been dealing with "Burnout." Anyway, it gives me food for thought this week.

I've also been seeing a chiropractor as a result of my therapist asking me last week what step I would take for self-care. I've been suffering back pain for months now and relying heavily on over the counter pain meds and prescription muscle relaxants to get me through each day and night. After only 3 treatments and some pretty hefty nutritional supplements (Perhaps going vegetarian was not the best for me?), I am nearly pain free. Well, maybe not pain free, but I have not needed any pain meds for 2 days now.

As for my beloved Marine, he has been seriously engaging in his ACT therapy and has accepted that he is doing something valuable with his time and life with learning to "stay present" and live each moment alive to his feelings not stuffing, avoiding, or escaping. I've seen tremendous movement the past week. He also set a goal of walking miles each week. Last week he logged 13 miles and this week he hopes to beat that with the aide of new shoes and orthodics which have relieved much of his back pain.

We're not far down this path yet, but there is noticeable progress, for which I am very grateful.

Mumford & Sons - Awake My Soul (Toad Session)

Where the Wild Things Are

The week has had its ups and downs as life does. But dealing with PTSD means the lows can be so low one might feel one is in the darkest possible place imaginable where all manner of frightful creatures might suddenly leap out of the dark to attack. So much FEAR!!! As I began to write about it I thought of this book I used to read to our boys when they were children.

Praying that we will reach that point of taming the monsters with the magic trick of staring them in their yellow eyes.

TODAY AT VA

Jeff was evaluated again for the PTSD by a third VA Nurse Practitioner today. This lady seems to have the power to call the shots for treatment. We did not understand the reason for this evaluation or I would have gone in with him. He said he found it confusing because she does not know David Ryan with whom Jeff has been meeting the past month (Very odd, as they work in the same office) nor had she read Jeff's file. She did give him another appointment for August 10th when she said she will give her recommendations and said he definitely has PTSD. Small comfort at this point.

I had warned Jeff that he would NOT feel warm fuzzies from this nurse as I got to know her during the Family Ed course I took through VA. I was right. He did not feel warm fuzzies at all. He did seem to find his appointment with David Ryan helpful again today, however. Thank God for David. It is reassuring that Nurse Sue said she will be talking with David before making her recommendations.

I pray for God's good and perfect will in Jeff's journey with VA.

A LITTLE BETTER

We're doing a bit better here. Jeff's out patient counseling is going fairly well. I start counseling tomorrow with a new counselor, a woman, who was recommended to me through Gary Bershears, a prof at Western Seminary. I'm looking forward to growth on my own journey through looking at the past.

We've been having some good family time with our kids and Jeff's extended family. Other than that we've been trying to exercise going to a park most afternoons for a mile or so walk. My body has been so affected by all the stress even that short walk has become a bit of a challenge but is getting better, I think. I can hardly believe we were doing monthly trips into Sudan when now it seems almost as challenging to do the simple things we are doing to try to get our health back. I realize we do what we have to do in the moment and find God supplies the strength. For that I am grateful. God is real and present to me these days.

RECONNECTION

Sunday started off poorly as Jeff did not sleep well so was unable to go to church. I forced myself out the door for the second Sunday in a row knowing I have to do this as an act of worship not for social reasons. Socially, I would be inclined and am, to withdraw as I've pretty much depended on Jeff for 40 years to break the ice for me in large groups of people.

At church, I sat prior to the beginning song, in a seat with people I did not know thinking how spiritually and emotionally disconnected I felt.

Then my heart reconnected as a young man spoke of his experience, while sitting on the porch with a refugee family being resettled here in PDX, hearing 6 shots; they rushed around the corner finding Billy Moore shot dead.

The young man went on to tell how a few dollars from Imago Dei CC's "Change for A Dollar" offering was used to touch the life of Billy's sister and other family members.

It also rings in my mind as Rick's message spoke of our identity in Christ who has declared we are salt and light as we follow Him. God held the salt shaker again this week using small things and that young man's presence with Billy's family that meant a whole lot to those who lost their brother and mother the same day.

Putting a few dollars in a bucket strategically placed at the communion table where we reconnect our hearts with the one who experienced death and resurrection for us, and, also, connecting my heart with the lives of those God chooses to touch helps me to know that I am part of something much bigger than myself and my own problems.

CHANGE FOR A DOLLAR
By Rick McKinley

Practicing Resurrection

As Easter was approaching this year I started thinking about how we could practice resurrection all year long. Sometimes we have to fight to keep ourselves living into the resurrection; new life is not always the dominant experience we have. We need tangible ways to remember that in the midst of a dying world, new life is breaking in and it started with Jesus who overcame not only our sin on the cross but our death as well.

I was looking for some kind of experience that we could participate in as a whole community that would remind us each week that Jesus is alive and breaking into the world in us, through us and for us. My friend Don was at John Weece’s Church, Southland Community in Lexington KY. He told me John asks his congregation each week to give one dollar to a particular offering. They take that entire offering and give it to someone in need outside of their church.

I had my handle on how we would practice resurrection. We stole John’s idea (thanks for your creativity John and the courage of the people of your community as well!!!).

Change for a Dollar
We named the initiative Change for a Dollar and I shared that each week we are going to take an offering and all we want from each person is one dollar. We have these big metal pails with stickers that say Change for a Dollar. Each week we are then able to share the story from the week before, of whom the money went to and how God made change for a dollar through his resurrection people.

GIRL TIME

I'm going to hang out with my friend Erin Carkner. Looking forward to Tao Tea and some great girl time. I've so missed having the female companionship and community we had in Northern Uganda. There is nothing like living in close community with others. It can be like a little bit of heaven on earth. I am so grateful for the community experiences I have had in the past.

SEARCHING FOR BALANCE

Things seem a little better this week. But still we are keeping life very simple as we try to find a little bit of a balance to life. We've been exercising each morning...Jeff in the little workout room here at our apartments and I walking about a mile to a little park. In the afternoons Jeff is giving me a lot of joy by going with me to another little park to which we drive. There is a trail there that measures .6 mile so is a good second walk of the day. Today we may do 2 laps around.

Yesterday afternoon, rather than walking, we went to the mall to look for a pair of new shoes for Jeff as his heals are beginning to bother him. We did get some walking in at the mall and found a pair of shoes, too. I'm so glad to see that he is finally hitting his stride again. It was a long healing process since the hip replacement 3 years ago.

Today he was saying he needs to find a job to produce "widgets." In other words, he's bored. I actually think it is a good thing as he's moved away from that dark inner place he's been of late. But I suggested that we think of getting hobbies rather than changing careers right now. He seemed to agree to that. So we're going to research parks in the area to visit then also research hobbies on line. He's a great one for researching things before launching into anything.

You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth

Henry Louis Mencken