This is an amazing awakening learning about Combat PTSD and especially the PTSD generated from the Vietnam campaign. I find it has given me a new lens through which to view a lot of our personal history the past four decades. It's as if we were in the dark for over 40 years and the day is dawning. It is neither good nor bad. It's just the way it is. But how do we integrate our past with the present? That's the assignment, don'tcha know.
It's as if Vietnam lives on in the hearts and minds of those who served in that terrible war and so colors the way they look at the world. There is a ghost that stalks each one and unbeknown to family and friends touches the lives of all who are in the veteran's lives. It is fear, depression, anxiety and especially cynicism that grips the soul of this countries sons and daughters of the 60's and 70's. I am glad to finally understand a little and to now walk more in touch with the continuing emotional pain left as the unrepairable wound of a war that betrayed them.
If anyone wants to gain new understanding, just read Out of Night, The Spiritual Journey of Vietnam Vets by William Mahedy, a Vietnam vet who served as a chaplain in the war and has been helping Vietnam Vets ever since. Or if you can stand to read the all too realistic depiction of the war itself, read Matterhorn, A Novel of the Vietnam War by Karl Marlantes born in Seaside, Oregon and a decorated hero of the war. Jeff is reading it and wanted to read aloud to me. I could only stand about 5 minutes of the saga before I had to ask him to stop. I realize, however, it has deep meaning for him as he makes this journey inward in confronting that long distant experience of his own buried past. Now I pray he'll be able to walk through that dark night and come through with a fresh grasp of the grace and mercy of God which kept him and has kept us these past 41 years.
