SELF TALK

I went with Jeff yesterday to his appointment with NP Sue Hippe hoping for word concerning our application for in patient treatment. It felt like she had passed the buck to someone else, David Ryan, Jeff's caseworker. She said she checked with him and the news is only that the application was sent a week ago and the process may take more than 3 more weeks. She seemed to indicate there is a good chance that his application will be rejected. At least, that's the way I interpreted her words. She cheerfully stated that she will work with Jeff on another plan if they do reject his application.

I am examining my response to that this morning and feel next to hopeless. I feel sorry that my blog is so filled with sadness and despairing these days.

I read the manuscript this week of a man who has struggled with PTSD and depression for 60 years after his WWII experience. His description of these years included the word "tortuous". However, the bottom line of his writing was that he had come to have peace about his on going depression and all the years of torture. He is able to name his book "The Gift of Depression." I want to have that kind of resolution of these 40 years knowing the next 20 or 30 will continue to be filled with the struggle with PTSD and depression.

I am reading another book called War and the Soul, Healing Our Nation's Veterans from Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, by Edward Tick Phd. He describes PTSD affected veterans as psychospiritual casualties of modern war. Not a great comfort especially as psychospiritual wounds are invisible and so easily misunderstood or never acknowledged. Ghostly stockers of unsuspecting victims and their family and friends.

And now we wait for a review board to evaluate if these ghostly wounds are viable enough to rate an intensive treatment for a man who has been battling these demons for over 40 years. I shiver as I write these words wanting to cry a river for him.

Rather I would like to say "It is well with my soul." "Trust in God not in man." Like the Apostle Paul find "God's grace is sufficient."