I decided to post this link from my blog because it speaks so deeply to me. It is the first time that I have actually heard Henri Nouwen speak. Isn't technology wonderful! We can hear the nuances of a man's voice even though he died over a decade ago. I've so loved his books but hearing him speak these words, words of his own journey, words that help us move closer to the HOME that knowing Jesus offers us, is truly like a warm blanket on a cold night.
I realized yesterday that I have been feeling so lonely since leaving our community in Adjumani. Our community, though set down in the harsh environment of Northern Uganda and moving into Southern Sudan, was like no other I've experienced since our early years with Norwegian Church Aide in Juba and Nairobi. It included young people from the USA and our Ugandan and Sudanese friends and colleagues. There was a focus outward away from ourselves but still bringing a sense of home and belonging in ways we have not found "at home" in the USA. It was several years of relationships which became like family. We felt safe together. We supported one another. We opened wide the door for embracing the larger community using the gifting of each individual to love and reach out to the poor, the orphans, the widows, the most vulnerable.
But our health broke thrusting us into a tailspin away from so much that seemed deeply meaningful in our lives. I understand the necessity of being in the USA. I am truly grateful for the medical care we are receiving. I treasure being near our family. And yet I've continued to feel lonely and wounded. The past week was especially hard as I've struggled with my own physical pain affecting my back and knees caused, I think, by arthritis. I've been seeing a chiropractor and will see my PCP Monday. However, for several days I was unable to even go for the walks that so help me to maintain perspective, allowing me to move out from our small apartment into fresh air.
I realize that Jeff and I have by necessity, perhaps, curtailed our social life while we struggle to find physical and emotional healing. But that very fact has deepened my sense of loneliness.
Then yesterday I discovered this message by Henri Nouwen which helps me make sense of all of this. I feel as if I have finally come home.
